127: Consider the Pineapple
- ZJC
- Feb 24, 2020
- 3 min read
So this guy I know writes this amazing article about pizza: his favorite crusts and toppings, brands, and even movies that remind him of pizza. Ninja Turtle is on that list twice. Dope. If you aren’t hungry for pizza by the end of the second paragraph you probably need to get your gut examined because it is lying to you. You know? So anyways, he humorously is going on and on about pizza until he interjects this whole paragraph insulting people that like pineapple on their pizza. And I was like, What? He didn’t just say that! But he did. He called pineapple on pizza “bullshit” and people that like it only say so to sound “unique.” Hmm. Well, I got some things to say about that.
First, pineapple on pizza is delicious. It doesn’t just have to be with ham either. I prefer pineapple and sausage. The extra flavor offers that sweet and savoring combination that all those chefs on those TV shows are always talking about. Normal pineapple, fresh cut or out of can, can be too tart. But cooked pineapple reduces the flavor that won’t overwhelm a pizza. That’s just my opinion.
I’m not going to argue that everyone should like pineapple on pizza or pineapple at all. As I stated, by itself, pineapple is too tart. Cantaloupes are better, hands down. But I’m not about to call people that don’t like pineapple sheep because they are always getting a Hot and Ready pepperoni pizza from Little Caesars. That’s delicious too! Especially warmed up in the microwave the next day.
Pineapple is a choice just like every other type of food. If it is someone’s favorite, they are not “assholes” for saying so. They would be an asshole if they refused to eat pizza that didn’t have pineapple on it. Because 9 times out of 10 you know that the lone pineapple lover in the crowd is not going to be appeased by the meat grubbers that dominate the pizza loving population.
(Maybe the person that wrote the article just met a lot of assholes at pizza parties. Chucky Cheeze can be a little rough sometimes. R.I.P. Bozo the Clown.)
I also have to make another point when this pineapple conversation comes up: grilled pineapple on burgers is f’in amazing too. Don’t argue until you try it.
If you haven’t read this article on pizza yet, you are missing out on an important part of your life. After you die and you have a life review, you will be looking back at this time when you didn’t read the article and then you will live your entire life again just so you can make it to this point that you have the option to read that article. Who knows, maybe this is your second chance. Don’t waste another life by not clicking.
Go eat some damn pizza.
Author’s Note #1: When did pepperoni become the standard?
Author’s Note #2: It’s not delivery, it’s a warmed-up pizza in your oven.
Author’s Note #3: Mediterranian pizza is surprisingly delicious.
Author’s Note #4: There are not enough vegetarian options in popular pizza chains.
Author’s Note #5: I’ll probably eat anything on a pizza except anchovies. But I have never tried an anchovy, so I have no idea what they taste like. Someone recently told me they are very salty. If the Ninja Turtles don’t like them, that’s good enough for me.
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