Day 29: Billy and the Cloneasaurus

“I’m hammered,” Billy said.

“Me too,” Rex replied.

They stared at their half-empty beers and the half-empty bar. It was 1:30 am on a Monday. They were both fired from their jobs at the Science Place the previous Friday. They were mad about it. Billy and Rex grew up together and they really liked dinosaurs. Tyrannosaurus-rex was their favorite one, mostly because of Rex’s name.

“Those sons of bitches don’t know what they lost,” Billy said.

Rex nodded. Then he said, “One more game of pool?”

Billy racked the balls and Rex broke. Neither were that good at pool, especially in their drunken state, but they enjoyed playing anyway. They liked doing things even though they were not good at them.

Rex said, “I can’t believe they turned down my idea to recreate dinosaurs,” and he hit the white ball, which when wild and into a corner pocket.

Billy picked up the white ball and placed it on the table. “Yeah, that would have been cool.” He smashed the white ball into a pile of balls. They scattered without a plan for a pocket.

“It would have been the coolest thing in the world!” Rex slurred.

“So why do we need Science Place, anyway?”

Rex wobbled and shrugged. He hiccupped and said, “‘Cause they got all the things to make dinosaurs.”

Billy agreed. “So let’s steal that shit.”

They took the city bus back to the Science Place because drinking and driving is bad. Then they stole a bunch of stuff from the Science Place and took it back to Billy’s house. They didn’t take it to Rex’s house because he said his wife would have him by the balls if he made dinosaurs in the garage.

The next morning Billy and Rex were hungover because that is what happens when you drink too much booze and steal. So, they drank some coffee at Billy’s house and got to work. They set up all the science stuff to make dinosaurs.

Then they had to go find a reptile so that they could use its blood. They also lived in Florida, so they found an alligator. They tranquilized the alligator and took some of its blood. When it woke up, it notices a large pile of fish that Billy and Rex left for it. The alligator was happy.

Billy looked at the alligator blood in a microscope. It was green. Then they injected the blood into a fossil bone from a dinosaur. Nothing happened. Then they put the blood inside an old dinosaur egg. Nothing happened. They didn’t know what was wrong.

“What the hell is wrong?” Rex shouted.

“I don’t know,” Billy said. “Maybe we are missing something.”

“I got it!” Rex shouted again. He pulled out a knife and cut his hand.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Rex took the red blood from his hand and put it with the green blood of the alligator. Then he took the blood and poured it on a pile of birdseed.

"That doesn't make any sense." Billy was confused.

"It needs my blood because my name is Rex like the dinosaur. Duh."

"Oh!" Billy said. "Then what do we do?"

"Don't you remember what happened to dinosaurs? They turned into birds. So we are going to get a bird and get this blood into its bloodstream and it will turn into a dinosaur."

So they did that. They caught a bald eagle because they figured that it would turn into an awesome dinosaur. They also built a machine that would combine all the DNA of everything in the machine. It was a big machine and looked liked a giant oven. They put the sleeping bald eagle in it. The bald eagle woke up after the tranquilizer wore off. He then ate the birdseed. Then Billy turned on the machine. It whizzed and popped and filled with smoke. Then after a minute, it dinged.

They couldn't see anything inside from the smoke.

"Should we open the door?" Rex asked.

"Go for it," Billy said. "It's your creation."

So Rex opened the door. The smoke cleared away. Slowly a creature walked out. It was three times the size of the bald eagle that went inside. Its legs were long and scaly with giant talons on it seven toes. It had giant wings with sharp feathers and claws. Its mouth was a beak and it also had giant teeth. It was green and white.

"Holy shit!" Rex shouted. "This is awesome."

The bird-dinosaur looked at Rex. Its eyes scrunched up. It licked its lips.

"Um, Billy...."

Billy was pulling out his phone to take a picture. "Hold still," he said.

"Billy, I think it wants to eat me."

The creature walked closer.

"Almost there. Damn flash won't turn on."

The creature opened up its giant mouth. Rex turned around to run, but the creature chopped down on his head. Blood flew everywhere in the garage. It was all over the power tools and the workbench and the metal tools hanging up. Blood splattered all over the lawn chairs.

Rex wasn't able to make a sound before the creature crunched up his skull and eyeballs.

"Noooooo!" Billy screamed just as he took the picture. The flash went off and the creature screeched and dropped Rex's decapitated corpse to the ground. It backed up into a corner. Billy took another picture. The flash went off again and the creature yelled again.

"It must be afraid of the flash," Billy said to no one because his friend was dead in a pile of his own blood and feces.

"Sit," he told the creature. The creature sat down and whimpered. "Okay. Now roll over." The creature rolled over. "Okay. Now fly over to the Science Place and kill my old boss." The creature took off, ripping through the garage door, and flying away. Billy jumped in his car and drove to the Science Place.

The creature was waiting for him. Everyone was screaming and yelling. The creature was biting off arms and legs and chewing them up.

"Stop!" Billy shouted to the creature. "Not them." Billy decided that the creature had a lot of learning to do, but he would train it. "Come to me." The creature did. "Now, let's go get my boss." Then Billy hopped onto the back of the creature.

They crashed through the roof of his boss's office.

"Holy shit!" the boss screamed out. There was also a hooker there. She screamed and ran away.

"Holy shit is right," Billy said, and he hopped off the creature. "You said that me and Rex couldn't make a dinosaur. Now, here it is. What do you think about that, sucka?"

"Billy, this is crazy," the boss said. "You have to destroy this monster. It's going to kill everyone."

"Not everyone," Billy said. "Just you."

Billy pointed at his boss and the creature jumped forward and drove one of its talons through the boss's hearted. "Noooo! He screamed." Then the creature ate all of the boss.

"That's for Rex," Billy said, and he started crying.

Then he stopped crying. The boss was dead and he got his revenge. Billy hopped on the creature and they took off into the air.

Billy didn't know what to do next. His best friend was dead. The cops were going to come after him. He couldn't go to jail because he knew what happened in jail in the showers. He saw it on HBO once. Billy would never go to jail. With this creature he was powerful, but not powerful enough to take over the world.

"Let's go make more of you," Billy said. And they flew off into the sunset.

THE END?

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Author's Note #1: No animals were harmed in the making of this story.

Author's Note #2: Special thanks to the state of Florida for being f'ed up.