Day 13: The Best Halloween I Don’t Remember and Will Never Forget

It began one random day at the Halloween store when I came across the beginning of my most favorite costume: a Joker t-shirt. I wanted something simple and the Dark Knight had just come out earlier that year. It would be the first Halloween that I got to celebrate on Mackinac Island, and it was the first Halloween in many years that I actually dressed up. So I bought some white and red make-up for my face and cheap green hair spray.

Everything turned out perfect. I surprised myself with my make-up skills. I walked downstairs into the bar and was welcomed with laughs and gasps. Many people gave me compliments and high-fives. It was time for happy juice. I ordered many happy juices from the bartender that night. I had so many happy juices that I fell asleep on the shoulder of a friend. Someone asked her later that night why she had white make-up all over her. She only had to point to the unconscious ginger Joker leaning against the wall. They eventually put me to bed.

The next morning, I woke up just as happy as I was the night before. A little too happy, but that was okay because I had the day off and life was good. I walked downstairs for the morning coffee with fellow employees and a recap of the night’s events. We were all in the basement when the morning bartender asked the group of us who the opening server was. Everyone shrugged their shoulders, took a sip of coffee, and told another funny story. A few minutes later the bartender returned with the schedule and said, “Zach, you’re the opening server.”

Shit.

There was too much happy juice lingering in my system and there was too much make-up still smeared on my face. Already late for work, I ran upstairs and hopped in the shower. I scrubbed and scrubbed and cursed and cursed. “Ugh, why did the boss schedule me the morning after Halloween? Why didn’t I look at the schedule the day before?!” I was too happy. How was I going to work like this?

Luckily, I had two friends staying next door to me. They were awake when I got out of the bathroom. I told them the situation and the only thing that they suggested, with smirks on their faces, was that I should drink more happy juice so that I could maintain how happy I was because being unhappy would just make the day hard. That made perfect sense! So they pulled out a bottle of dark, licorice flavored, happy juice with a deer head on the front. (You know what I’m talking about.) I took a few swigs of that delicious nasty stuff, brushed my teeth, and headed downstairs.

Immediately, an eight-top sits down and I hate life that much more. But I put on my Joker smile and face the music. The whole day the bar was packed. Just like my make-up, I was amazed at how well I served people that day. Those eight hours flew by. It could have been all the happy juice talking, but I thought I did a damn good job. No one complained and many people got a kick out of the color remnants of last night still lingering in my hair and in the hidden corners of my face. One guy said, “It looks like he had a good time last night.” I stopped was I doing, turned toward the table, and said, “Damn straight.”

To this day, I’m still not sure how unimpressed my boss was with me that morning. But he didn’t fire me and I worked another ten glorious years for him and with some of the classiest degenerates on this planet.

I miss those days. But no matter how hard we try we still grow up. Cheers to all you crazy mo-fos! I’ll see some of you for New Years.

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Author’s Note #1: It was Jager. I blame it all on Jager. I am not proud.

Author’s Note #2: The Lions lost that day too.