Day 156: The Beatles were a Bunch of Hornballs Who Like Drugs

Sorry to be blunt about it, but after all these years it had to be said. This notion occurred to me many months ago when I began listening to their entire library on random in my spare time and in my car. The Beatles’ subtle art of telling women that they want to sleep with them was outstanding, considering the times. There was no twerking. There was no backing that ass up. They had to express their horny desires in hidden ways.

I mean, their first album was called Please Please Me. The song is all about a man begging for sex because he, apparently, pleases her so well. He assumed a lot about their relationship. Why do you have to say “please” so many times then?

I Want to Hold Your Hand was a huge hit that said it all in the second line: “I think you’ll understand.” What is she supposed to understand, Paul? Huh? You only want to hold her hand, right? Nope, he wants more.

Hold Me Tight was a little less subtle, but they still couldn’t blatantly say I'm tired but I still wanna bang you tonight.

A Hard Day’s Night may be the cleverest of the bunch. They were even able to slip the word “hard” into the title. When they get home from a hard day’s work, the things that she does make them feel alright. And probably sleepy too.

In their later years, after fame and fortune made them invincible, they apparently didn’t give a rats hoot about trying to hide their intentions. Why Don’t We Do It in the Road? Really? That’s all they freaking say over and over again. No one will be watching you? Is it four in the morning and you're hammered drunk in the middle of Brooklyn? Somebody’s gonna be watching you do it in the road.

Don’t even get me started on Octopus’s Garden. Really, Ringo? I understand that you were trying to go for a mix of old-school subtly with a strong helping of Yellow Submarine, but you didn’t have to enunciate the ‘pus’ so much in the song. You want a "garden"? A "cave"? You want your friends to come and see? Come on, man. At least be respectful. She’s not a bicycle. She's an octopus.

Despite all the cleverness and some not so much, The Beatles sang about love. That’s the great thing about them. There was always love somewhere at the core of most of their songs. Granted, the drugs probably enhanced that emotion.

Some of the most fun and timeless songs were probably written and performed while they were tripping: Across the Universe, A Day in the Life, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, I am the Walrus. What the hell does that even mean? It doesn’t matter! It’s still a damn good song to listen to. They all are.

The Beatles are, arguably, the greatest musical group to ever live. The reason is because so many of their songs are timeless. All they are singing about is love, wanting to have sex and subtly doing some drugs while dancing with your one and only. And I don’t think people are ever going to get tired of doing those things. It’s the music of the youth and the youth determines what’s popular!

Kudos to The Beatles. Thank you for your music. Goo goo g’joob.

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Author's Note #1: I thought he said coo coo ca-choo until just now.