Day 174: Dunkin’ Donuts

I can’t say that I am passionate about this donut, coffee, and breakfast chain one way or another. I don’t think that I have had bad experiences at any Dunkin’ Donuts, but I never left one excited to do business with them again. They are like a lot of fast-food chains. They serve a necessary purpose in our fast-paced, fat ass, American lives. They are there when we need them for breakfast, lunch, or self-loathing dinner, but there is definitely better food, coffee, and donuts in the world. Unfortunately, quality food doesn’t come from a place where you are hopefully in and out the door in less than twenty minutes (dining-in). Sometimes, depending on the workforce on that particular day, it may be hard to get through the drive-thru in less than twenty minutes. But I’m generalizing. Let’s get down to brass-tax (whatever that means) and discuss the star of the show: Dunkin’ Donuts. (I was commissioned for this job.)

Like I stated, I don’t care one way or another about the donut chain. For some of you avid followers, you should know that I always prefer a donut from the local shops. They just do a better job. Probably use quality ingredients and put a little love into their deep-fried delights. The Dunkin’, on the other hand, probably uses cheap ingredients that a machine smashes together to create the colorful round fat holders that I love to shove into my face.

Despite my preference, I am not a picky donut eater. I don’t think I am a picky eater, in general. If someone puts a box of donuts in front of me, my first reaction is not to ask where they got it from but to squeeze out a ‘Thank you’ from my fat cheeks that are plowing through a custard-filled, chocolate-covered long john. And if that isn’t available, I’ll inhale whatever looks good that day. They could be a few days old for all I care. But even for the best Frank’s Supermarket Donuts of the world, there is a time limit on freshness.

Again, I digress. I’m running off the rails here.

The only Dunkin’ Donuts I frequented was the one on Tamiami Rd. in Naples, Florida. It was the closest one to my house and to work. I would grab a donut and a coffee every once in a while on a weekday morning. The first time I went there I went through the drive-thru. That was not a pleasant experience because it took a lot longer than I expected for uncertain reasons that I can only chalk up to is that, “It’s just Florida.” I was almost late for my new job and had to mow down a greasy breakfast sandwich that was sub-par in taste and overall satisfaction. But I went back. They had donuts.

I was happy to bring my co-workers a couple of dozen donuts on some random morning, and then again on my last day of work. Despite anyone’s favorite donut, I don’t know anyone that would turn one down if it was sitting in front of them.

I felt bad for the workers and manager at that particular Dunkin’ Donuts. Again, this is Florida. On more than one occasion, including the drive-thru experience, I have watched the workflow derail very quickly. One morning in which I didn’t have to work, I slept in till about ten and decided that I should treat myself on my day off. A couple of donuts and a tall cup of coffee should do the trick. Pulling into the parking lot, I knew I was in for trouble. The few spots outside of the location were nearly full and there was a line of cars curling around the drive-thru to the point where it was hard for cars to park or exit. But with all the time in the world, I decided that a wait wouldn’t bother me. And wait I did.

The line inside was technically short, but orders were not getting completed quickly. I had seen this kind of chaos before when I worked in coffee shops. Without a proper discussion before the rush, employees don’t have a clear understanding of where they should be and what they should be doing because everyone is trained to do everything. I think there were four employees total working that day. Not enough, even for the most adept short order employees. They literally looked like chickens running around with their head cut off. The person handling the register was bouncing around, taking orders, running in the back for something, grabbing one thing or another, preparing whatever she could, while the others flung themselves back and forth between counters, slapping sandwiches together, forcing lids on drinks, arguing to each other about who should do what and what has already been done and who the hell is going to get the next person in the line for the drive-thru. Pure chaos. It was beautiful.

Luckily, I only wanted a black coffee and a couple of donuts. Getting to the front of the line took some time. My only regret is that I didn’t have popcorn for the show. The cashier was able to get my donuts relatively quickly, but the drink order had to go to the person making the drinks. And there was a line for that. After about ten minutes of sharing glances with other customers, with a few grimaces, smirks, and raised eyebrows in there, the person making the drinks noticed I had been waiting for some time. He asked me what I ordered and I told him a medium black coffee. I could almost hear the look in his eye: “Shit, yeah. Something easy.” He poured it out lickety-split and sent me on my way with a smile. I exited the chaos to a bright, beautiful, blue sky day in Florida. “Godspeed, Dunkin’ Donut workers. God. Speed.”

---

Author’s Note #1: I’ve been to very few other Dunkin’ Donuts, and no other visit was memorable enough to describe in detail.

Author’s Note #2: When I think of going to a Dunkin’ Donuts, I frequently get that confused with going to a Tim Horton’s, which is much more common in Michigan. Both are mediocre but acceptable.

Author’s Note #3: Big shout out to my boy, T-Roy, for randomly standing in front of Dunkin’ Donuts today while waiting in line to get groceries in New York City and telling me to write about Dunkin’ Donuts. Check him out at baseballfordinner.com