Day 182: Vans
- ZJC
- Apr 19, 2020
- 3 min read
There are large vans, there are small vans, there are minivans, there are Vans: the shoes. There are Art Vans that may or may not be open anymore. There are vans down by the river. And there other types of vans that I may or may not be aware of that are not listed in the list of vans. The point is that any type of van you choose is going to be a great van.
The first van I rode in was owned by my aunt and uncle. We drove to Iowa to visit friends of the family. I rode the entire way in the back of the van with my Talk Boy (from Home Alone 2: Lost in New York), recording songs on the radio. I was impressed and am still impressed by the size and luxury of the vehicle. As a small person, I could pretty much bop around anywhere I wanted. The seats were cushioned and covered in soft felt. It was a luxury automobile, to say the least. Vans of that size and caliber have recently, in the past five or so years, been updated and turned into mini homes for the ramblers of the world, equipped with gas stoves, hot water, and queen size beds that put stationary trailers to shame. I want to live in one of those vans. And I also don't want to live in one of those vans. But it'd be pretty cool.
Minivans were the vehicle of the ’90s. They had the gas mileage of a regular car but pulled the weight of four or more brats in the back screaming for McDonald's. Minivans had the physical capacity of a regular van, but the overall area was smaller. Truthfully, it didn’t have the freedom feel of a regular van embodied. A minivan contained enough seats to fit 7 to 8 people including the driver, but they never carried the attribute of luxury. The seats were polyester and crammed together like the big happy family your dad pretended you were. Despite the slight discrepancies, a minivan was and still is the Mom’s choice vehicle. There is plenty of room for multiple children and enough cargo room to fit a multi-hundred dollar bill from Meijer. A minivan is never a bad purchase, even if you’re single. They hold all that you need without the cumbersome feeling like you're hauling a pallet of bricks.
Vans, the brand name for skater shoes, were and still are popular. They were originally popular with the skate crowd that thought, like many sports enthusiasts, that the best equipment will get you the best results. Skateboarding, like any sport, took a lot of practice. Potentially more so because very few people are gifted with the raw talent of pulling off a nonchalant kick-flip, 360 tail grab, and land with a goofy nollie rolling for twenty seconds and then casper flip into a twenty-foot rail grind. Vans, like many other shoe brands, portrayed the dream of becoming a professional skateboarder, simply because the shoes you own were the same shoes that Tony Hawk or Bob Burnquist wore. The truth was that Vans were a fantastic shoe brand in style and comfort. Yes, their design offered benefits for the skateboard hobbyists, but it offered more street cred to those that chose to wear them casually. (Very similar to Fox Racing.)
As many generational jokes go, the word “van” includes a Saturday Night Live skit with Chris Farley in which his character, Matt Foley, is an inspirational speaker and continues to remind the other characters and the audience that he lives in a van down by the river. The skit(s) were hilarious, most notably the one with Christina Applegate as the guest host (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv2VIEY9-A8). It is hard to say the word “van” in some crowds without conjuring thoughts of the skit and someone in the group repeating the famous lines. Go ahead, say it once for old-times sake. …….when you’re living in a van down by the river!!! Feels good, eh?
In a van conclusion, there are no bad vans. Big vans and minivans are both excellent vehicles for their own purpose. Even if you live in a van down by the river, you are still living in a van down by the river. Some people can’t live in a van on their front lawn. So, kudos to vans and Vans. Whoever designed both of the iconic forms of transportation, you did a good job. When I get older and have kids and decide to take my skateboarding hobby to the professional level, I definitely plan on getting a van.
Author’s Note #1: I have never owned a van or a pair of Vans. They've encompassed my jealousy and lack of jealousy.
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