Day 195: Unconditional Love: Part 2

Sometimes we create boxes for our loved ones: attributes and decisions that we imagine for them. Yet, they are completely unaware that we have created this box for them. They continue to move through their life, possibly with their own boxes for others, and make decisions based on their internal desires and goals. Now, as the observer, we will never understand a person completely and, oftentimes, misinterpret their words and actions in order for our image of them to fit better within our box. We are unaware of their thoughts and they are unaware of ours. Yet, when that person makes a decision that is not within the boundaries of the box we have created for them, we become uncomfortable. We may become angry or jealous or hurt and then blame that person for deliberately causing that pain. And still, that person is completely unaware of my internal pain. So, when it is time to communicate with that person, our perception of who that person is and the relationship has shifted. And still, they are unaware that anything has occurred. This is the fantasy we create for those that we care about. We do it without knowing. We do it in the name of love because we think we know what is best for that person. It’s as if we were playing a video game and our loved ones are the main character. But there is no joystick. There are no commands that we can use to truly control them. Yet, we try. Abusive relationships that control to the extreme in many different varieties. Those unfortunate souls can’t stand for their fantasy of a person to be unaligned. The emotional turmoil, which I am assuming is caused by low self-esteem, churns inward, and then is lashed out upon the victim. For the rest of us, we play the same part but in small ways. We communicate in subtleties. We encourage action that will align with our fantasy and serve our goals. That is living with conditional love.

Unconditional love is allowing loved ones to live as they choose, understanding that their choices have little or nothing to do with us. We are all on our own journeys, whether we are married or have kids or live with a group of people. Unconditional love is not “not caring” about a person. It is being happy for them when they succeed and supporting them when they need comfort. We are either high-five generators or cushioned chairs. That’s it.

What’s funny is that it takes longer to explain the fallacies of humanity than to explain the possible solutions. It comes down to the matter of observing our own thoughts and emotions. We will feel what we feel, but we can choose to react using those feelings or react with love on the forefront. Immediate forgiveness is extremely difficult to master, but it is a goal that we can attempt to embody every moment. Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others is the first step in understanding the love of all.