Day 225: Privilege and Protest

As I watch yet another protest happening on the streets of Washington D.C., there is a stir of emotions and thoughts that are hard to put into words. But I will try.

To start: I will never understand. I will never understand what it feels like to be black. I will never understand what it feels like to be discriminated against because of the color of my skin. I will never understand the fear that some police officers and elected officials inflict upon an entire race of people. People have been racist towards me, but it is no way the same.

As they walk the streets, with the Capital building in the foreground, they chant:

“Say his name!”

“George Floyd!”

“Say his name!”

“George Floyd!”

I will never understand what it feels like to go to bed hungry because my parents couldn’t afford food. I will never understand what it feels like to drop out of school so that I can work a job to help pay the utility bills. I will never understand what it feels like to live in a house full of drugs and physical abuse. I will never understand what it feels like to be raised by my grandparents because my parents couldn’t handle the job.

“What do we want?”

“Justice!”

“When do we want it?”

“Now!”

I always had food. I always had clothes. I always had a roof and walls. I didn’t always have the happiest life, but there was always love.

“Hands up! Don’t shoot!”

“Hands up! Don’t shoot!”

“Hands up! Don’t shoot!”

My heart breaks for the tragic loss of life for George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, and any other unnecessary death or abuse because of systemic fear and judgment of the black men and women of this country and in the world. These recent events are simply appalling. Justice must be served.

Tear gas is fired upon the second peaceful protest in D.C. today. The first one was during a peaceful protest in a park because President Trump wanted to take a photo with a Bible outside a church he was not invited to.

As I watch these brave men and women march in peaceful protest, I am reminded of my privilege, of all the things I can never fully understand, and of all the skewed lens in which I see the world. These are not my choices but the circumstances in which I was born. The same is true for every single person on this planet.

A man walks with the crowd and says to the camera, “This is where the revolution starts. Fuck 12. Fuck the government.”

Now, I ask you: What color is that man’s skin in your mind?

No matter the answer, that is your instinct. It doesn’t make you racist. The point is only to be mindful of what our brain does automatically when we think about a race. I couldn’t tell you how many times I have heard a story prefaced with, “It was a black man/woman.” And the color of the person’s skin almost all the time has nothing to do with the plot or punchline of the story. It is those unconscious habits that we must train ourselves to be mindful of and change the way we speak to each other and to our children.

Police are pointing weapons at people who are walking away with their hands up. There’s a line of black uniforms, like a wall, blocking the side streets. I’m more afraid of what the police will do to the protesters.

I remember overhearing my grandpa using the N-word for the first time in a conversation that was accidentally recorded on his answering machine. It was that day that I realized that members of my family were flippantly racist. That list expanded throughout my lifetime to other family members and friends. The circle of people in which I learned about the world were unintentionally teaching me what was right and wrong. To them, it was acceptable to use the N-word to describe a person; it was acceptable to make assumptions about a person because of their skin color; it was acceptable to speak that way in front of others as long as no one around them was black.

More tear gas is fired at people walking away.

I do not blame them for their opinions or the “acceptable” behavior they showed me. We all make our own choices, speak our own words, and take our own actions. I have made racists jokes. I have described a person as black when it wasn’t necessary. I cannot change my past thoughts, words, or actions. All I can say is that I am sorry. And I will be better.

So many of us do these things without thinking twice. That has to stop. It is because of these assumptions and fears towards others that we react the way we do in thoughts, actions, and words. We easily describe one person as if they are the representative or their race, as if they are not an individual person, living their life, working with the cards they were dealt. We describe a person using only one word:

Black. White. Brown. Asian. Mexican. Chinese. Russian. Irish.

There is the sound of broken glass in the distance. Then the broken windows emerge on camera. The dark holes feel like they’ve been there forever.

I will never understand your life. I will never understand your pain. I will never understand your hardships. I am ignorant of so many viewpoints of our collective life because I was born with the privilege of not having to worry. My hardships had nothing to do with my skin color, had nothing to do with police brutality, and had nothing to do with subconscious racism that lingers in the blood of this country.

I have had several discussions about the current events surrounding the protests and riots. My opinion, as it stands today, is that we are experiencing a historical event that is fueled by hundreds of years and dozens of generations of racist beliefs. They have been passed down intentionally and unintentionally by people too ignorant to see the harm they cause and by those that fail to see the biggest picture in the world: we are all one. Actions and words that hurt one person will ultimately hurt us all. We are seeing this ripple effect worldwide. There were peaceful protests in Britain, Germany, France, Denmark, Italy, Brazil, Ireland, New Zealand, Canada, Australia, and several memorial acts from citizens of Poland, Mexico, and Syria (Link). The broken windows, looting, and violence are the acts of those that don’t quite understand the underlying message or want to use the protests as a cover for their immoral acts. I was asked if I thought any protest actually did what it was supposed to do. The answer, so far, is yes. The two men that murdered Ahmaud Arbery are in jail, charged with murder and aggravated assault. Derek Chauvin, the man who murdered George Floyd, is in jail, charged with third-degree murder and manslaughter.

I predict that these protests will end before we see the full extent of justice. The other officers surrounding Derek Chauvin were fired, but many are calling for their arrests as well. It will be a long time before we see a trial, if there is a trial. These protests in America and around the world have once again helped people see that racism is still alive and still taking lives. Eventually, people will not be walking the streets, but their voices will echo throughout history. This is not over. It will not be over until true justice is served and the minds of Americans are open and accepting of all.

Men and women with masks across their face walk down the streets of Washington D.C. with their arms raised high in the air. Tear gas has filled the air behind them. Everyone is afraid to get shot by the people that are supposed to be defending our Civil Rights. The public's right to a peaceful protest was just extinguished with guns pointed at their backs.

As the video cuts outs, I am left with these words echoing in my head:

“No Justice! No Peace!”

“No Justice! No Peace!”

“No Justice! No Peace!”

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Image by Capri23auto from Pixabay