Day 25: Tony Chachere’s: A Love Story

The relationship started out hot and heavy and I couldn’t get enough of him. He was everywhere. He was everything. For nearly two years he never left my side. But he finally wised up and left me in my twenties. It was nearly a decade before our paths crossed again. Our relationship grew and blossomed into what it is today. I will never let him go again because...he will never leave my shelf.

It all started in high school. I was a typical teen: angsty, bored, and craved a partner that I couldn’t resist. I also had a car and needed gas money. So, I got a job at the Heritage House in Chesaning, MI. It was as fine dining as you could get in that town. We used to be known for a Showboat, but it has since “sunk”. In the hay-day of Chesaning, thousands of people would flood into our small village. It was our Mardi Gras, but with fewer beads and boobs and a lot more old people. One week of business like that made it possible for a fine dining restaurant to exist.

The food was good. Damn good. I was just happy eating the scrapes off of the Stuffed Pork we served. The Charred Seasoned Salmon made me into the salmon lover I am today. But nothing compared to the Tenderloin for Two. It was a double-sized cut of filet mignon that was broiled for twenty minutes and came out a perfect juicy medium-rare and stimulated half an orgasm for anyone lucky enough to slide a piece into their mouth. And on top of that magnificent slab of steak was my friend, the man that can always bring pleasure to my mouth: Tony Chachere.

He looks like an elf that started drinking beer in his forties. He’s a chef that wears sneakers. And he always has an expression on his face that says, “Check this shit out.” The tag on the shaker states, “Great on Everything!” and they are not wrong. Tony Chachere’s Original Creole Seasoning goes on steak, fish, fries, chicken, pork, pasta, chips, cheese, and my finger. I am not ashamed to say that my friends and I shared Tony on several occasions. We ate him right out of the palm of our hands. Fair warning though: he is a bit spicy.

Unfortunately, too much of Tony can be overwhelming. He has a powerful personality and flavor. A sprinkling of him is enough to satisfy the most exquisite taste buds. But you don’t want to use him every night for fear of not keeping the spark in the relationship. Use him like those red lamp covers and let the mood strike.

Like all strong relationships, you never give up on each other. I thought that I had lost Tony forever when the Heritage House closed and I couldn’t find him in any store. Now, I can usually spot him in any Meijer or Walmart, just hanging out on the corner of the spice aisle, strutting his stuff. Though I don’t take the pleasure of using Tony every week, I know he will be faithful and always be there for me when I need him.

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Author's Note #1: I am not bored. I promise.

Author's Note #2: The following photo collage is rated PG-13 for some sexual suggestions. Enjoy.