Day 288: No Manual

When I catch myself thinking too much about the rights and wrongs, the different paths, the subtle nuances of karma, I have to remind myself that there is no manual to all of this. There is not a book that is labeled Life that contains all the hidden secrets and answers to our endless stream of questions. Thinking about life too analytically creates the infinite rabbit hole, much like being trapped inside of a paper bag: it’s easy to escape and it was kind of pointless to put it over my head, to begin with. We all, most certainly, create our own carrots to chase. A never-ending race to our tail.

An ex told me a couple of times that I am happier when I am working; there is less time to think about life. She was absolutely correct in her observation, especially then. I am more aware of those moments when the idle mind grabs my hand for the next wild ride I forgot I have ridden a thousand times. It is still hard to stop the thought process before it starts, but I am better at not letting the ride take me on four or five loops before I realize that the ride never stops. It’s good practice.

I surmise that my slight OCD obsession with having the right answer or doing well comes from a combination of my relationship with my parents, the need to get good grades in school, and my competitive nature that seemed to have spawned early in my life and with an overwhelming encumbrance of emotional trauma. I did not like to lose and I lost often. It took me to my mid-twenties to come to terms with the beauty of games and that winning and losing are unnecessary constructs that are arbitrarily attached to the enjoyment of simply playing.

There is no manual and that is part of what makes life fun and meaningful. I trust that a combination of my mind and feelings will help guide me toward a rewarding destiny. We can’t predict tomorrow (if this year has taught me anything, it is that), so why fret over all the what-ifs and would-haves? Only negative energy accompanies the need to find the right answer because it doesn’t exist. My thoughts right now are of the famous Joe Dirt. He said, “Life’s a garden. Dig it.” Wiser words have not been said by another mullet.