Day 37: In a Row?

Hey, you open?

I shall take this day to make many Clerks (movies and cartoon) references and reflect on the past thirty-seven days. It has been quite a journey and the bulk is yet to come. Your suggestions and votes have helped the past week or so. It is nice having a stash of topics. Time is going by fast and slow. It's weird.

Why are we walking like this?

Some days I feel like my mind is draining, as if nothing interesting is left to say. And some days I feel like a fucking genius. Like everything, this experiment works in waves. There will be stretches of days where everything rolls out of the mind to the fingers and onto the screen. Those days, I admit, I may crank out one or three posts. Sometimes I use them all and sometimes I don’t. For example, I am currently working on a poem that I may or may not share. I like it. I like it enough that I may submit it to a literary magazine. But that means that I can’t share it with you, dear reader, because literary magazines do not like publishing material that can be found for free on the internet.

This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers.

I like writing for free. (Not that anyone has paid me for it yet) It is a wonderful reminder that writing is a hobby. And if you don’t want to do your hobby for free then you probably don’t want to do it as a job. I certainly do not want to write the news. I don’t want to write for advertising companies. I want to write what I want and enjoy it. I write for myself and, now, I write for you.

You’re a cigarette.

Additionally, not that anyone besides my Aunt Annette will care, but my cousin and I will be done a writing challenge indefinitely. His name is TeeCoZee. Now, this won’t be the slobber-knocker fight club match-up that you may be expecting. Has anyone ever seen two writers fighting? They’d probably stab each other with their pens. Anywho, it all started with my piece on Dr. Pepper. Then he wrote his Friday Thoughts, including a paragraph about how when he was reading my article on the subway a man did a fantastic job of making a buffalo wing mess of himself on his white sweatpants. It's a good story. It's funny. And this week I will “respond” to his article in some way. Get your popcorn ready, folks.

It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.

Okay, for now. I want to take this moment to thank all of you, dear readers. I appreciate the support. Also, thank you for all the suggestions. Keep ‘em coming. This has been a lot of fun.

Dante Hicks: Can you feel it?

Randal Graves: Feel what?

Dante Hicks: Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.

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Author’s Note #1: Dante: Thirty-seven! My girlfriend sucked thirty-seven dicks! Customer: In a row?

Author’s Note #2: They gave us five dollars for breakfast! I wish this trial would never end.

Author’s Note #3: Excuse me, do you sell videos?

Author’s Note #4: Is it safe?

Author’s Note #5: Do you have that one with that guy who was in that movie that was out last year?

Author’s Note #6: I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Author’s Note #7: What do you mean there's no ice? You mean I gotta drink this coffee hot?

Author’s Note #8: Can you guys vulcanize my tires while I wait?

Author’s Note #9: If we had a lightsaber, I could voom-voom, snikt, snikt, snikt, woooaaa Jedi, slice up tubby here, crawl inside him and we could stay warm for the night.

Author’s Note #10: In order to get it built quickly and quietly they'd hire anybody who could do the job. Do you think the average storm trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing and white uniforms.

Author’s Note #11: I think that stuff just kicked in, Silent Bob.

Author’s Note #12: Do you sell hubcaps for a '72 Pinto hatchback? Ooh, Mini-trucker magazine!

Author’s Note #13: They’re using all our air.

Author’s Note #14: You never go ass to mouth!

Author’s Note #15: Bunch of savages in this town.

Author’s Note #16: That was Snowball.

Author’s Note #17: What's a jizz-mopper?

Author’s Note #18: Mmm, The Matrix is telling my brain this is turkey jerky.

Author’s Note #19: You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hangin' out in front of places sellin' weed 'n shit.

Author’s Note #20: How much are these, anyway?

Author’s Note #21: Hey, try not to suck any dick on your way through the parking lot!

Author’s Note #22: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.

Author’s Note #23: Snoochie boochies!

Author’s Note #24: And I'm caught in the middle - torn between my loyalty for the boss and my desire to piss with the lights on.

Author’s Note #25: Ooh! Navy seals!

Author’s Note #26: Randall: Look how scared he is. He's shaking. Dante: No, he's masturbating. Randall: Yeah, but it's out of fear.

Author’s Note #27: Pack of cigarettes?

Author’s Note #28: I hope that donkey doesn't have a hiney troll.

Author’s Note #29: Those rides are put together by junkies and alcoholics.

Author’s Note #30: Dude, Caitlin’s cheating on you.

Author’s Note #31: Did you ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie.

Author’s Note #32: What's the point of having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look at weird, fucked-up pictures of dirty sex you'll never have yourself?

Author’s Note #33: There's only one trilogy, you fucking morons.

Author’s Note #34: Hey, that looks like a big bong, too!

Author’s Note #35: I remember when we were by this metal thing with a knob...

Author’s Note #36: Why are we walking like this?

Author’s Note #37: You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.