Day 38: My Distrust of Corn

I am going to keep this short and sweet, not unlike sweet corn on the stalk. I don’t trust corn. No matter how many times I eat it, I can’t help but wonder what the hell it is doing to my insides. Probably nothing. But I choose to be paranoid. And with good reason! Why does it come out the other end in one piece? Why is it invincible to my bodies stomach acid and intestinal bacteria? Huh?! It don’t make sense.

Apparently, the outer layer of the corn is made up of something called cellulose. That sounds like a conspiracy to me. Check it: cellulose, cell lose, cells you lose, cell phones! They are listening to our private conversations through the undigested corn swirling through our large intestines, impervious to the probiotic supplements that claimed to have 15 billion strains of bacteria. Bull shit! Corn cannot survive 15 billion troops. Or maybe it can.

Fact: Corn killed JFK.

Fact also: Corn is the number one cause of my poop having yellow dots.

Fact three: Eating too much corn can lead to cramps and gas!

Fact four: It is the only vegetable/grain that becomes even more appetizing once you’ve heated it so much it explodes! WTF is that?

The Fabulous Fact Five: Killer children come from corn.

The Sixth Sense Fact: Buttered corn on the cob is delicious.

Damn you cooooooooooooooooorn! I will still eat you. But mark my word… Go ahead. Mark it. Okay.

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Author's Note #1: No stalks were harmed in the creation of this post.

Author's Note #2: Shhh. They're listening.