Day 43: Febreze vs. Farts

Farts stink. My farts especially stink when I have consumed large amounts of processed foods or beer or both. I think farts are our body’s way of telling us that we are eating a bunch of shit and need to get our act together. There is a big push of awareness about gut health. I have recently, again, started taking probiotics, which have helped quell the abundance of nefarious air escaping from my rectum. Ask my friends and family: at times, a dead mouse may smell better than my evaporated intestinal bowel.

To wit: there must be something to battle this encompassing smell that can clear a football field. The answer is yes: Febreeze. There is no more need for swishing a pillow around the room or opening a window or door on cold winter nights. There is no need for bathroom spray that has its own unpleasant associated odor. No, all you need is a fairly large amount of Febreze fabric spray. The flavor is up to you. I personally own the Extra Strength and the Unstopables. And yes, they spelled unstoppable wrong. Along with breeze.

It is true that these Febreze flavors were designed for fabrics, but there is a large variety of Febreze products out there. So ladies, if your husband, son, or brother need a stocking stuffer for this holiday season and they are having issues with their flatulence, then you may want to think about purchasing a bottle of this fart fighter.

I should coin that and write into Febreze. Who knew farts could lead to such genius?

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Author’s Note #1: Probiotics do help if you are eating a steady diet of pasta or processed foods.

Author’s Note #2: I am going to eat a shit load of salad when I get back to Michigan.