Episode 64: Missing the Mark: The Clone Gene

Kirk: Hi, I'm Kirk Gibbins, and you are tuned into the latest episode of Missing the Mark. Today, we are discussing the vestibular gene PDZD7-9 and how it affects the ability for clones to accurately shoot their weapons and hit their target. I’m here today with special guest, Johnathan Hebbes, who has his doctorate in genetic modification and was the former Assistant General of the Clones for the late and great Empire. Long live the First Order. Welcome, John.

John: Hi, thank you for having me.

Kirk: Let’s get right to this. Please explain to the listeners what gene PDZD7-9 is and how it affects all clones, even robot clones.

John: Right. So PDZD7-9 is a gene inherited from the small amounts of human genes that we use to begin the cloning process. There is a flaw in the vestibular system, which controls balance, motion, spatial orientation, et cetera. Something happens in the fusion of the human genes with the coding of the robot or clone brain. They are not “talking” to each other properly once fused. When the subject’s adrenaline levels reach a short mark, the gene is fed too much ATP and overloads. The subjects rarely feel a significant difference in their equilibrium, but it is enough to disrupt the subject’s vision-to brain-to muscles communication. 90% of all clones suffer from the disorder and we don’t know how to fix it.

Kirk: That’s terrible. So what is the plan for destroying the filthy rebel scum that still linger throughout the galaxy?

John: At the moment, pump the clones out as fast as possible. It’s a numbers game at this point.

Kirk: Can’t the First Order hire actual people and train them?

John: They have been for a while, but the costs are too high. And they don’t always work out. Some go soft on us and try to join the rebels.

Kirk: Really? And succeed?

John: Well...no. Not one. We’ve killed all deserters.

Kirk: Impressive. So, please tell us a little more about the gene. Why have people failed to fix it thus far?

John: It really is quite the anomaly. We have been working on the issue ever since first days of the clones. I mean, there could be ten thousand enemies on a battlefield and we would only hit a few thousand by mere chance. And don’t get me started on only three individuals in a hallway. There would be a zero hit rate every time. But I digress. To put it plain and simple, we don’t know how to fix the issue. As I said, something happens in the fusion process between human genes and robot code that we cannot detect. Because the gene comes from humans it must be a flaw in the human brain.

Kirk: So, why not just use robots and their code.

John: Our A.I. systems are not that advanced, despite what the public might think. It’s not as easy as just traveling at the speed of light. There are so many tiny nuances and intuitions that are needed on a battlefield to make a successful soldier, human clone or robot. But you see the irony in the whole thing. It’s like making a spaceship that can’t help but fly in the wrong direction.

Kirk: I see.

John: So, while we are working hard to fix the issue, and we have in small ways, we still must produce enough clones to make up for the lack of accuracy.

Kirk: Is that monetarily feasible for the First Order?

John: There is no limit to our power. Plus, Kylo Ren can just rob a bank whenever he wants. He’s really good with the Force, you know.

Kirk: Interesting use of power. Well, thank you for your time, John. Long live the First Order. Hopefully, you guys figure it out before another single Jedi, err, I mean rebel scum comes along and destroys everything.

John: There’s always hope.